Years ago, I worked at Nestle India in Moga. One day my factory engineer called me in his office for our weekly Ghee Plant project report status.
His office door swished and he looked up over his half-frame reading glasses, “Kya laaye ho, Inder?” (What have you brought, Inder?), he pointed to the pages in my hands.
I looked out the window, “It’s just–” — a scene of a frail old man carrying a sack flashed my mind.
My manager continued poring over some papers, “—hmm?”
My mind tried to focus away from the scene playing in my head. The frail man drops the sack on the ground and folds his hands, trembling like a reed. “—Jowar laaya hoon maayibaap. (I have brought a sack of millets, sir)” I managed to say.
“—What did you say?” My manager raised his eyebrows.
I realized instantaneously that I had just said the next line from the movie, Sholay from the scene that had been playing in my head.
A few awkward moments later I exited his office and slumped in my chair. Goshdarnit… what on earth is wrong with me? Why does my default thought go to Bollywood?
Such is the influence of Bollywood on me. I grew up with those movies. I learnt my sense of righteousness, respect for elders, love for siblings, victory of good over evil, horrific dance moves and even my awful romantic thoughts from those Masala movies.
But am I alone?
Or are you one of us crazy people who on the surface dislike Bollywood movies but are deeply influenced by them?
Well here is your test. There are 5 levels of crazy.
- Level 1– If you’ve ever boarded a train and then done a double take to check if there is any woman running towards you with an extended hand to help board the train.
–You sir, are level 1 crazy Bollywood fan.
Level 2– If you’ve ever been in an open Jeep and have automatically started humming- Mere sapnon ki Raani kab aayegi tu? Or if you were riding a motorcycle with your best buddy
and both of you started singing, Yeh dosti hum na todenge.
–You sir, are level 2 crazy Bollywood fan.
- Level 3– If you have ever used any of these lines in your regular speech.
–Kaanon ke haath bahut lambe hote hain. (the law has long arms)
–Police ne tumhe chaaron taraf se gher liya hai (police has surrounded you)
–Ismein ehsan kaisa, yeh to mera farz tha (this is not a favour, it’s my duty)
–Apni gali mein to kutta bhi sher hota hai (Even a dog is a lion in his backyard)
–Mein tumhare bacche ki maa ban ne wali hoon (I’m pregnant with your child)
–Tumhari maa aur behan hamare kabze mein hain (your mother is in our custody)
–Kitne aadmi the? (how many men were they)
–Mein tumhare bina jee nahi sakta (I can’t live without you).
–You sir, are level 3 crazy Bollywood fan.
- Level4– If you know who any or all of these people are?
–You sir, are level 4 crazy Bollywood fan.
Level 5 – If you know the name of Gabbar Singh’s father
–You sir, are level 5 crazy Bollywood fan.
AND YOU’VE FALLED OFF THE DEEP END—THERE IS NO HOPE FOR YOU….NONE…AND NO REPRIEVE…